CO Recess Power Rankings - Week 3

1. STU GOTZ* (3-0)

It's safe to say now that the Gotz Mob is undeniably the best kickball team in the galaxy. Even without All-Universe pitcher Ryan Barno, who was named GQ's Sexiest Man Alive in 2011, the Mob continued to roll in Week 3. Rumors are flying that WAKA might just go ahead and give STU GOTZ the Founder's Cup, since  "no other team on planet Earth, past or present, can compare with their general awesomeness on or off the field," said WAKA Czar Lydia Rapp. "They belong in another league, one reserved for people equally as good-looking as them, which is like no one. CFB Sucks. STUUUUUUU!!!!!!!" Rapp then preceded to shout "WHO GOTZ" for 19 straight hours.**

*The author may or may not play for STU GOTZ. I'm anonymous, bitches.

**Rapp's interview was paraphrased and significantly altered to suit my needs. There's such thing as journalistic license, right? At least on CNN...

2. Safe Word (0-4)

Rumpelstiltskin vaulted into the No. 2 spot with an impressive snow-day showing at Hayter's last week. The red team had the biggest bar presence despite the canceled games, challenged only by the 719-member STU GOTZ. On top of that, Safe Word almost beat CFB during the last week of actual play, which counts as a win in my book. "Watch out for us come playoff time," said Captain Ashley Ramos, before realizing what the "run differential" column in the standings means.

3. CFB: The O-Face (2-1)

Every time CFB plays STU GOTZ, Facebook basically shuts down for the day. It's a trash-talking clinic. Unfortunately for The O-Face, despite all the fanfare, CFB has yet to register a victory against the Mob. In fact, it hasn't really ever been that close. This version of Captain Luis Barrios' orange squad, however, is mentally tough. All three of their games have been decided by one run -- and their two victories were walk-offs. If they can keep the game close into the later innings, they have a chance at knocking off the last undefeated team in CO Recess. Of course, the later innings are usually when the CFB players are blacking out, so all bets are off. (Author's Note: STUUUUUUUUUU)

4. BALLCRUSHERS (2-2)

I'm calling it now: this team will distinguish itself before the end of the season. The league's highest-scoring offense also gave STU GOTZ the best challenge yet. BALLCRUSHERS is second in run differential, and if they can tighten up on defense, they'll be a force in the playoffs. The Week 4 matchup of the WAKA newcomers versus the wily veterans on KNOCKN CLEATS should be fun to watch. Also, I really need to get to know some players on your team so I can write funny recaps. Please come out to Hayter's. I'll buy the beer, courtesy of J3.

5. Pink Tacos (1-1)

The Peep Show finally showed the league the secret to plating runs against the Pink Tacos' league-leading defense, aka The Meat Curtain: if the Tacos show up and actually play a game, they can be scored on. "I don't know what happened," said Pink Tacos all-star Jeremy Prolic. "We didn't allow any runs when we weren't scheduled and I was at home drinking beer on my couch. Now, all of a sudden, we're expected to actually pitch a ball to an opposing team? What kind of a league is this?" To their credit, the Tacos did rebound in the second game of their double-header. "We figured out what an out was," Prolic said. "I guess we need three of them."

6. KNOCKN CLEATS (1-2)

"We just got our asses handed to us by a better, more muscular team," said Captain Justin Spanbauer after popping out twice against STU GOTZ flamethrower Jeff "Golden" Golden in a Week 3 loss. "That Golden guy sure is sexy. It was really hard to concentrate with him out there on the mound." KNOCKN CLEATS may have fallen to 1-2, but a positive run differential hints that they're better than the record suggests. A Week 4 double-header against BALLCRUSHERS and the Pink Tacos will tell us a lot about this team's identity. It's a make-or-break week that could make a big difference in playoff seeding down the road.

7. The Peep Show (2-1)

Chirp!...

 ...derp. 
Happy birthday, Mark Harrington. To view the gift I got you, please highlight the area below: 

WHO GOTZ ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 8-1 hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha