Week 1 Power Rankings

 CO RECESS POWER RANKINGS - WEEK 1

1. The Peep Show (1-0)

The significant other of one of their players thinks The Creeps are the best team in the whole universe, so it must be true, right?

2. Pink Tacos (0-0)

These savvy veterans are employing the age-old strategy of "if we don't show up, we can't lose," and thus far it's working to perfection. The Tacos currently boast the league's best defense with 0 runs allowed. Don't expect that to change this week. Is a nickname of "The Meat Curtain" for their defense too gross? Yes? OK, noted. We'll go with "The Chastity Belt."

3. STU GOTZ (1-0)

It's well established that Italians don't like the snow, and thus the Gotz Mob only had 17-18 players show up Friday. Some of them even got to kick twice. It was an unprecedented event.

4. CFB: The O-Face (1-0)

The O-Face had to wait until the final inning to enjoy its vinegar strokes in a tight game against KNOCKN CLEATS. Said Captain Luis Barrios after the walkoff win, "No comment. I have to change my pants."

5. BALLCRUSHERS (0-1)

The new kids on the block had a tough matchup in their first-ever WAKA game, but they displayed skill and proved they know how to party. It's exciting to have yet another fun team in the league. NOTE: Their name refers to kicking ability, not to their love for roshambo. Opposing males can rest easy.

6. KNOCKN CLEATS (0-1)

If you can't even beat The O-Face, who CAN you beat?

7. Safe Word (0-1)
This team is trying to institute some newfangled field positioning, but it might be time for them to say the word (it's Rumpelstiltskin, by the way) and resort to a more traditional scheme after allowing a league-high 9 runs.

CO MILE HIGH POWER RANKINGS - WEEK 1

1. Where My Pitches At? (0-0)
Who?

2. Your Mom (1-0)
The Green Machine is sure to have yet another impressive regular season, but can it avoid "Pulling a Rahim Moore" once playoff time rolls around? As a non-Broncos fan, I plan to use this joke regularly. Deal with it. It amuses me.

3. 11 Shades of Grey (1-0)
The surprise of Week 1, this newly formed squad impressed in every phase of the game. "Surprise? I told you this would happen like two weeks ago," said Jeff "J3" Cornetet. "Also I just signed The Gaze..." (J3 exits nervously as a member of WAKA's recruiting investigation committee enters the room.)

4. PINK TACOS (0-1)
The Tacos lost their first game under questionable circumstances, and immediately filed a complaint to WAKA about head referee Ben "Tim Donaghy" Mendenhall, who is now serving time in federal prison for his part in a kickball gambling ring. The addition of USA Dave "La Flama Blanca" Rieken should provide a needed lift as the Tacos look to enter the win column.

5. CFB: The Mile High Club (0-1)
To add insult to injury, The Mile High Club lost its star pitcher in a trade to the Pink Tacos a mere 24 hours after a Week 1 defeat to Your Mom. The terms of the deal  have not been disclosed, but sources say all CFB received in return was a packet of Taco Bell hot sauce and a warm Four Loko (fruit punch flavor). In his press conference announcing the decision, USA Dave had this to say: "I'm sick and tired of carrying all the weight, the coaches and owners not giving me the shit I need to win. CFB, you're ****ing out. USA Dave is now a free agent. Let's find a bar and get shit-faced. Get me paid, bitch! Superstar!"

6. Rocky Mountain Ice (1-0)
It's yet to be seen if Ice has to forfeit its Week 1 win due to the ref's involvement in a sports betting ring, but the team has bigger concerns. Contrary to lofty preseason expectations, RMI allowed a whopping two or three baserunners in its first game. The Tacos may have shown the rest of the league the formula for beating Ice: getting people on base and then kicking again so they can cross home plate.

7. Camp Gladiator Mile High Burpee Club (0-2)
Once the rest of the league realizes how cool its uniforms are, it'll be tough to beat Camp Gladiator.

8. Yahtzee! (1-0)
I have no logic for putting them this low, except I don't think I've ever played Yahtzee! and thus I don't understand the rules. When I get confused, I get angry.

INTRODUCING YOUR SPRING 2013 WAKA DENVER TEAMS!

CO RECESS (THURSDAYS)

CO Recess is traditionally the chill league centered on themes, friends and parties, and this year won't be any different. We're still going to crank the fun level up to 100. That said, Recess is newly Founders Cup-eligible, and several of the top squads from recent seasons find themselves squaring off on Thursday nights. While CO Mile High might have the history of stronger competition and WAKA Denver's "superteam," CO Recess is stacked from top to bottom:

The Peep Show

Quite simply, the Peeps do it right. They play to win but never lose sight of the fact that, hey, we’re adults playing kickball. The CO Recess Summer 2012 Scruffy’s Cup winners almost always contend in the theme week competitions and are best known for over-the-top costumes, flip cup prowess and that annoying “CHIRP CHIRP” cheer. Rivals with the Pink Tacos.

STU GOTZ

Known as the Gotz Mob due to the sheer size of the team, STU GOTZ has a fetish for silver medals. Runners-up in two of the last three seasons, they’ve shed the scrappy underdog label and are now annual contenders who walk the line between competitive and fun as well as any team in WAKA. Oh, and STU GOTZ means “Your Balls” in Italian. Rivals with Your Mom, Coming From Behind and Justin Spanbauer.

Pink Tacos

The CO Recess Summer 2012 runners-up followed a path familiar for new WAKA teams last year, transforming from a team of strangers into a force to be reckoned with come tourney time. Kickball aside, the Tacos shine in the role of “life of the party,” bringing dominance to theme weeks and the flip cup tables. You won’t have to worry about having a fun time when the Tacos appear on your schedule. They might even let you SLAP THE BAG. Rivals with The Peep Show.

Coming From Behind: The O-Face

Coming From Behind is, in some people’s minds, the favorite to win CO Recess. This power-drinking team has the talent, but they’re usually too wasted by the second inning to do much of anything. Rumor has it the O-Face is hopping partially on-the-wagon to try to keep it together until at least the fourth inning this season. Regardless, CFB will definitely be the team partying hardest at Hayter’s afterward. An all-around great group that exemplifies what makes WAKA the best league in Denver. Rivals with STU GOTZ, Four Loko and Jagermeister.

Safe Word

New to WAKA Denver this year, Safe Word is a team composed mostly of free agents. Captain Ashley Ramos (The Chancellor of Awesome), however, is a veteran from California who knows her way around a kickball. Free agent teams are a guaranteed blast, and it probably won’t take long for the Chancellor to get this squad up to speed. Rivalries undetermined.

KNOCKN CLEATS

A “new” team that has deep WAKA roots. KNOCKN CLEATS is, in effect, the Thursday night edition of Your Mom, a long-established team playing in CO Mile High this season. Rivalries undetermined, but a good bet is STU GOTZ.

BALLCRUSHERS

New to WAKA but not to kickball, the BALLCRUSHERS are a veteran team from another Denver-area league. Ecstatic upon finding out WAKA players can openly drink on the field, when reminded about "3.2" laws in Colorado captain Christina Hartsel responded with, "I'm not THAT short!" Rivals with 3.2% laws in Colorado, high cupboards and amusement park rides with height restrictions.

CO MILE HIGH (FRIDAYS)

City of Cuernavaca Park on Friday nights is historically where the best kickball teams in Denver come to play. Though several of the formerly strong squads have merged to form a "superteam" and STU GOTZ moved to CO Recess for the spring, the newcomers will surely jump right into the mix. The level of competition is high, but CO Mile High still knows how to party. You'll be hard-pressed to find a crowd anywhere in Denver that rivals the rowdiness of Hayter's after an evening of hard-fought Friday night kickball.

PINK TACOS

The name isn’t a coincidence; these Tacos are one-and-the-same as CO Recess’ Pink Tacos. Most of the Taco regulars opted for Thursday nights, but a few had prior commitments to other teams. Because once a Taco, always a Taco, those players formed a Friday squad that was filled out with the coolest free agents they could find at the pre-season pub crawls. Expect ridiculous costumes, wine bag-slapping and the most coveted trucker hats in Denver, all managed by THE KICKTATOR himself. Rivalries undetermined.

11 Shades of Grey

A free agent team with a solid core of veterans and strong sexual desires. Captained by Pink Tacos defector Jeff “J3” Cornetet, aka “Broken Wing,” the necessary leadership is there. Rumor has it there might be some serious talent, as well. No matter how they start the season, 11 Shades will likely be a shoe-in for Most Improved Team when all is said and done. Watch out come tournament time. Rivalries undetermined.

Camp Gladiator Mile High Burpee Club

Welcome to WAKA! This new team of fitness fanatics is bringing their considerable muscle to the kickball fields. Also, since it’s a question that’s already come up: a burpee, aka a squat thrust, is a four-part full-body exercise that combines strength and aerobic training. Given their name, we can all hope the Gladiators do a few burpees for every run scored. Rivals with laziness and fast food.

Your Mom

WAKA’s longest-tenured team returns for yet another season. The perennial contenders are in a bit of a championship drought, but the Lady in Green can always be counted on for a good time. Your Mom has made a habit of going to Vegas and representing WAKA Denver well, both on the fields and at the parties. Rivals with STU GOTZ and the several teams that have transformed into Rocky Mountain Ice.

Coming From Behind: The Mile High Club

This is the Coming From Behind we all know and love. Even if CFB: The O-Face is a tad more competitive on Thursdays, The Mile High Club promises to be the same old costume-wearing, Four Loko-drinking, dancing, rowdy, crazy, ridiculously good-looking CFB. If you’re lucky you might even get an invite to one of USA Dave’s legendary pre-parties. Rivals with blacking out.

Rocky Mountain Ice

A conglomerate of all-stars poached from other and former competitive WAKA teams. Rocky Mountain Ice (RMI), aka “the Superteam,” is in it to win it, and you can expect their A-Game every week. They better bring it, too, because everyone will take their best shot at knocking the kings off the hill. Though they’re WAKA Denver’s most competitive squad this year, RMI is composed of some of the most genuinely fun and nice players around. Rivalries undetermined, but you can bet when RMI and Your Mom face off, it’ll be one of the most entertaining games of the year.

Yahtzee!

The team is new to WAKA Denver, but most of the faces are familiar. Captained by Mike Hale and Jen “Mighty Mouse” Montgomery, it won’t take long for arguably WAKA Denver’s best-named squad to pull together. Whatever cheers they come up with are sure to be a hit. Rivals with Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit and Chutes and Ladders.