Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Ten Types of People You’ll See at the WAKA Playoffs

1. The Guy Who Shows Up 5 Minutes Late In The Clothes He Was Wearing Last Night
It was Friday night, and he wasn’t about to waste it just because he had to be up early for kickball. He’ll saunter up to the field from some unknown place of origin, striped button-down shirt draped casually over his shoulder, wearing a puke-stained wifebeater and black slacks. Usually passed out in the shade – or drunk again – by Game 2. 

2. Random Family Members Of Teammates That You Didn’t Even Know Existed
Wait, Susie is married with two middle-school aged children? This seems like something that would have come up. 


3. Soccer Mom In Training
Armed to the teeth with water bottles, sunscreen, chairs, blankets, juice boxes and orange slices, there isn’t a scenario for which she’s not prepared. 


4. The Team Taking It Way Too Seriously
After an enforced week of sobriety, this team spent their Friday night watching game film and debating the merits of the infield shift. They awoke with the birds that morning to eat a power breakfast and begin structured pre-game warmups promptly at 7 a.m. 


5. The Team Not Taking It Seriously Even In The Slightest
They’ve moved on to the second case of Bud Light before the first kick. Usually hanging out at the wrong field and content to dance along to their Block Rocker, they’re clearly only there for the party. And they’re sorry they’re not sorry about it. 


6. Frantic Captain of the Latecomers
No one should have to endure this much stress at 9 a.m. Jenny is stuck in traffic; Sarah and Eric hooked up again and are MIA with dead cell phones; Maria just got called into work; and all of a sudden this captain’s 18-person roster has only produced 7 players at the field on time. In desperation they will try to sneak in a sub – any sub – only to get called out by The Team Taking It Way Too Seriously. 


7. The Group Who Wants to Play Anything But Kickball
A full day at a big open field with tons of friends? Better bring a soccer ball, football, softball glove, lawn darts, horseshoes and lacrosse stick. “Oh, I’m sorry, is our volleyball net cool in left field?"


8. The Competitive Lawn Gamer
When the kickball is over, the true competition begins. This guy’s team was eliminated in the first round and he’s spent the remainder of the tournament hovering over the cornhole set, just waiting for a challenger. Once his 10-game run ends in dramatic overtime fashion, he’ll saunter over to the Can Jam area and talk smack until someone finally agreed to be his partner. 


9. The Upwardly Mobile All-Star
This person is ready to “take their talents to South Beach.” After a season of making SportsCenter Top-10 plays on a 1-7 kickball team, they are desperately trying to get noticed – by whatever means necessary. They will volunteer to referee every game, engage in conversation with Random Family Members Of Teammates That You Didn’t Even Know Existed in an attempt to get an “in,” and show up awkwardly in the background of the championship team’s photos with their index finger raised high. 


10. The Relieved Community Coordinator
After two months of party planning, recruiting, e-mailing, schedule-making, negotiating and politely listening to every complaint in the book, the second the games are over the overworked Community Coordinator(s) will saunter over to a quiet corner, down a fifth of Fireball and weep tears of pure joy.