Week 1 Power Rankings

 CO RECESS POWER RANKINGS - WEEK 1

1. The Peep Show (1-0)

The significant other of one of their players thinks The Creeps are the best team in the whole universe, so it must be true, right?

2. Pink Tacos (0-0)

These savvy veterans are employing the age-old strategy of "if we don't show up, we can't lose," and thus far it's working to perfection. The Tacos currently boast the league's best defense with 0 runs allowed. Don't expect that to change this week. Is a nickname of "The Meat Curtain" for their defense too gross? Yes? OK, noted. We'll go with "The Chastity Belt."

3. STU GOTZ (1-0)

It's well established that Italians don't like the snow, and thus the Gotz Mob only had 17-18 players show up Friday. Some of them even got to kick twice. It was an unprecedented event.

4. CFB: The O-Face (1-0)

The O-Face had to wait until the final inning to enjoy its vinegar strokes in a tight game against KNOCKN CLEATS. Said Captain Luis Barrios after the walkoff win, "No comment. I have to change my pants."

5. BALLCRUSHERS (0-1)

The new kids on the block had a tough matchup in their first-ever WAKA game, but they displayed skill and proved they know how to party. It's exciting to have yet another fun team in the league. NOTE: Their name refers to kicking ability, not to their love for roshambo. Opposing males can rest easy.

6. KNOCKN CLEATS (0-1)

If you can't even beat The O-Face, who CAN you beat?

7. Safe Word (0-1)
This team is trying to institute some newfangled field positioning, but it might be time for them to say the word (it's Rumpelstiltskin, by the way) and resort to a more traditional scheme after allowing a league-high 9 runs.

CO MILE HIGH POWER RANKINGS - WEEK 1

1. Where My Pitches At? (0-0)
Who?

2. Your Mom (1-0)
The Green Machine is sure to have yet another impressive regular season, but can it avoid "Pulling a Rahim Moore" once playoff time rolls around? As a non-Broncos fan, I plan to use this joke regularly. Deal with it. It amuses me.

3. 11 Shades of Grey (1-0)
The surprise of Week 1, this newly formed squad impressed in every phase of the game. "Surprise? I told you this would happen like two weeks ago," said Jeff "J3" Cornetet. "Also I just signed The Gaze..." (J3 exits nervously as a member of WAKA's recruiting investigation committee enters the room.)

4. PINK TACOS (0-1)
The Tacos lost their first game under questionable circumstances, and immediately filed a complaint to WAKA about head referee Ben "Tim Donaghy" Mendenhall, who is now serving time in federal prison for his part in a kickball gambling ring. The addition of USA Dave "La Flama Blanca" Rieken should provide a needed lift as the Tacos look to enter the win column.

5. CFB: The Mile High Club (0-1)
To add insult to injury, The Mile High Club lost its star pitcher in a trade to the Pink Tacos a mere 24 hours after a Week 1 defeat to Your Mom. The terms of the deal  have not been disclosed, but sources say all CFB received in return was a packet of Taco Bell hot sauce and a warm Four Loko (fruit punch flavor). In his press conference announcing the decision, USA Dave had this to say: "I'm sick and tired of carrying all the weight, the coaches and owners not giving me the shit I need to win. CFB, you're ****ing out. USA Dave is now a free agent. Let's find a bar and get shit-faced. Get me paid, bitch! Superstar!"

6. Rocky Mountain Ice (1-0)
It's yet to be seen if Ice has to forfeit its Week 1 win due to the ref's involvement in a sports betting ring, but the team has bigger concerns. Contrary to lofty preseason expectations, RMI allowed a whopping two or three baserunners in its first game. The Tacos may have shown the rest of the league the formula for beating Ice: getting people on base and then kicking again so they can cross home plate.

7. Camp Gladiator Mile High Burpee Club (0-2)
Once the rest of the league realizes how cool its uniforms are, it'll be tough to beat Camp Gladiator.

8. Yahtzee! (1-0)
I have no logic for putting them this low, except I don't think I've ever played Yahtzee! and thus I don't understand the rules. When I get confused, I get angry.