CO Recess Power Rankings - Week 4

1. The Peep Show (3-1)

Wow! What a rise for The Peeps, who finished last week in the cellar of these power rankings. Since losing to STU GOTZ, The Creeps have defeated two good teams in the Pink Tacos and CFB, and done so comfortably. Power rankings voters must be putting a lot of stock in the 7-2 victory against the O-Face, especially given that the Mob has only managed a 4-0 win against the same team an hour before. CHIRP CHIRP!

2. Safe Word (0-5)

The red team had a strong showing at Hayter’s after apparently trolling the Pink Tacos. “Yeah, we lost 12-2, whatever. It’s just because we want to build up their playoff hopes,” said Safe Word Catcher Mike Tsang. “It’s going to be hilarious. Hey, did you get your tickets to Fast 6 yet?” Bold prediction: Safe Word will NOT lose to STU GOTZ tonight, thus avoiding an 0-6 mark.

3. STU GOTZ (4-0)

The last undefeated team continues to roll, but not all is well at Mob Headquarters. Rumors are swirling third-baseman Jeff Golden has been optioned to the Detroit Penal Leagues after what analysts are calling “The Worst Kickball Play of All Time.” Golden, while playing for CO Recess’ Pink Tacos, fielded an easy ground ball. After squaring up to gun out a runner three feet away heading to home plate, he promptly fired the ball at a 90-degree angle away from the kickball field. The game-winning run scored on the overthrow. “Man, I know it didn’t even happen while he was playing for us,” said STU GOTZ Bench Coach Shane Dogmillionaire. “But once you lose your edge at this level, it’s over.”

“He was getting old as hell anyways,” Dogmillionaire added.

4. KNOCKN CLEATS (3-2)

KNOCKN CLEATS bounced back in a big way after a Week 2 loss, dominating assumed contenders in back-to-back games. The WAKA on Water cruise hangover must be wearing off. Signs of locker room trouble are apparent every week at Hayter’s, however, as Captain Justin Spanbauer is convinced his voice is louder than Christy Bailey’s (blatantly untrue). It’s not a big deal yet, but this is the kind of squabble that can tear a team apart if left unchecked.

“Match up!” - Spanny.

“MATCH UUUUUUUPPPPPPPP!” - Christy.

5. Pink Tacos (2-2)

The Tacos lost the first game of their doubleheader against KNOCKN CLEATS, and then racked up an impressive 12 runs against Safe Word. So impressive, in fact, that the league is investigating if the Tacos may have bribed the refs with liquor from a pink flask. “That’s absurd,” said the ref, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “I accepted bribes equally from both teams. It’s not my fault the close call down the third-base line happened to come right after Safe Word gave me a warm Natty Light.” For some reason, the ref then spent the next three minutes of the interview winking at me.

6. BALLCRUSHERS (2-3)

The green team ran into a motivated veteran squad in KNOCKN CLEATS, and still put up a decent fight. BALLCRUSHERS still boasts the league's best offense and has a knack for being in every game. That's the kind of team that can surprise some people in the tournament. They'd be ranked higher if they had a stronger presence at Hayter's, as that's a huge part of the WAKA experience. Come on, green team! We don't bite...ok, maybe Safe Word does...

7. Coming from Behind: The O-Face (2-3)

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. The O-Face came into the CO Recess spring season considered by many to be the favorite to win it all, and yet halfway through the schedule can’t even crack a .500 record. To add insult to injury, they lost both games last week against hated rivals STU GOTZ and The Peep Show. That’s not the whole story, though. CFB continues to dominate the pre, current and after parties on both Thursday and Friday nights. And they are the unquestioned kings of the flip cup table. “Plus, we do have a kickball championship from last fall, against totally legit competition,” Captain Luis Barrios said, before failing to contain his laughter.