Winkle's Wrinkles: The Strategies of Kickball

After a stint in minor league baseball straight out of high school, author Corey Winkle returned to college to play kickball at South-Southwest Missouri Technical Institute of Technology. He was a first-round draft pick at the age of 28, but failed to adjust to the speed of the pro game. Winkle retired after three years and founded the kickball school at the famed IMG Academies in Florida. He has since worked with such prolific kickballers as Lydia Rapp, Jeff Golden and Luis Barrios, helping them hone their skills and become perennial all-stars.

Today’s topic: DEFENSE. It’s almost a bad word these days. Back in the 80s, if some fool tried to advance to third base on a single, you better believe such hall-of-fame shortstops as Will “The Clothesliner” Davis or Becca “The Wrecka” Leonard would have clocked them out cold. Unfortunately, league rules have evolved over time to favor player safety. But there’s still a place for defense in today’s game.

Let’s start outside and work our way in. That’s what she said?

It’s hard to find two teams that use the exact same outfield alignment, but the first rule is not to let the ball get over your head. Another that’s what she said? Boy, if it was 2006 and that joke was still funny, I’d be on a real roll here. Anyway. If you think you’re playing too far back, you’re probably not. You can scoot in on people you know can’t boot it very far, but against bigger guys or ex-soccer weenies, BACK! UP! Most home runs can be prevented if you don’t let them sail past you. When you get the ball in the outfield, either run or throw it in as quickly as possible. There’s no lollygagging in kickball. If runners are moving, get the ball to the appropriate base. If they’re not, get it to the pitcher.

While we’re at it, let’s repeat that little statement a couple times:

Get the ball to the pitcher!

Get the ball to the pitcher!

Get the ball to the pitcher!

If there was Rule No. 1 for kickball, that would be it. As soon as the pitcher has the ball, runners can no longer advance. If you’re unsure what to do, throw the ball to the pitcher. If you have a noodle arm and have no hope of gunning out that jackass sliding into home, throw the ball to the pitcher. If you wake up in the middle of the night and have to pee, throw the damn ball to the damn pitcher. Got it? Good.

On to the infield. Every position is key, but the especially important ones are third base, first base and catcher. When suspecting a bunt, the third baseman should play as far up as allowed – right on the imaginary line running from third base to the pitcher’s mound. Rush forward as soon as the ball is kicked and field the bunt. This is also why an attentive, athletic catcher is key. Good catchers will run up right behind every kicker and be ready to pick up bunts. The first baseman, of course, should be able to catch anything thrown in their direction. Except STDs. That’s gross.

Those are the basics. For more advanced, position-specific techniques, look into IMG Academy’s winter offseason programs, such as “Throwing the Ball Like a Man,” “You Look Like A Princess When You Catch, Here’s How Not To” and “Aggressive Beer Drinking 401.”

Next week’s topic: BASE RUNNING!